[Satire]
My fellow Americans.
May I first say that all of you are the most intelligent, beautiful, clear thinking, generous, patriotic, and deserving people that I have met, along with all of the other great people of your town, city, and state.
Our great country and especially our government is torn by disagreement. It is astonishing that we elect people to government, using so much time and at great expense, only to witness these people disagreeing and arguing. They don't get much done, and they make a lot of conflicting arguments and noise while they are not doing things. They are now spending about $3 Trillion (that's 12 zeroes) per year on programs that they argue about. It is time to end partisan differences so that we can do so much more good.
My administration will reach across the aisle to both parties, and especially to the opposing and obstinate party, to gain agreement and smooth the operation of government. We will smile rather than argue.
Some pay taxes and others receive benefits.
- I will bring them together.
Some charge for their services, and others want free services.
- I will bring them together.
Some want a powerful military, and others want a philosophy of peace and forgiveness.
IWBTT
Some want to have earmarks for political supporters, and others want to reduce spending.
IWBTT
Some explain why my policies are wonderful, and others stupidly and maliciously object.
IWBTT
Some want my political party to rule forever, and others want to end this benevolent rule.
IWBTT
So I say the following to all of you, and especially to those who want a job with my administration, or a subsidy or grant from us, or want to run a program, or supply a program, or just want to have the street fixed in front of your home.
We should soon be the party in power, and we will be, with your help.