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Jun 9, 2009

The Department of Work and Production

We Will Improve Your Work and Lower Costs

(a large waiting room in a giant federal building)

Desk Clerk: Ticket 363. Is ticket 363 here?

Joe: I have number 363.

Desk Clerk: (without looking up) Go to office 26, through the gate, turn right, left down the corridor, on the right.

(Joe easily finds his way. He has been here before. The water fountain still doesn't work.)

Official: (behind desk, seated, remains seated) Please close the door and have a seat.

Joe: (sits down, recognizes the official) Hi, how are you doing?

Official: Do I know you (looks through folder) . . . Joe?

Joe: We've met a few times here. I suppose you see a lot of people.

Official: Do you know why you are here?

Joe: Is it GDP again?

Official: As you can see from the sign on my desk, I am now a case officer for the new Department of Work and Production. The government, your government, has decided to remove the inefficiency from various occupations.

We have had great success with the healthcare system, and we are now applying these techniques to professions that affect national security. We want to improve your knowledge, pay, and working hours. Would you like that?

Joe: That sounds good. (a bit suspicious) Does this really apply to me? I'm an accountant.

Official: Yes, I know you are an accountant. (irritated) I see it in your folder. As an accountant you are an important element in producing trustworthy, accurate, and timely measures of efficiency and production. This is a function vital to the economy.

I think you will enjoy being part of a coordinated team of trained professionals, working together to attain the highest efficiency and accuracy. You will no longer be alone in a fragmented, distant company without standards. You will be part of a national group.

Joe: Will I still work for Acme International?

Official: You will physically work there, or somewhere else where you are most needed, but your work standards and pay will be coordinated through your professional license. All accountants will now be federally licensed, for the security of the country and for efficiency. The high, hidden costs of accounting must be reduced if we are to prosper as a nation. I'm sure you agree.

Joe: Well, I, uh . . .

Official: Good. You will be pleased with the changes in your compensation. First, we are going to raise your salary 20% in the amount that you either save or receive.

Joe: A 20% raise is great. What do you mean by "save or receive"?

Official: We take the smart view that your effective salary is what you take home and don't waste. You may remember our accomplishments a few years ago when government investment saved or created 4 million jobs. This applies the same philosophy.

Your new salary is set at 80% of your current salary. Here is a copy of "My Salary Savings". This gives you easy, fun ways to stop wasting 40% of your salary. The result is that you will either save or receive 120% of your current salary, which is a 20% raise.

Joe: Wait a minute. (with self control) You are actually cutting my salary 20%.

Official: No, we don't see it that way. We have arranged for you to save or receive 20% more than you are currently making. You would not have a job without these adjustments. Do you want to impair your professional license? You could always do something else other than accounting.

Joe: (thinks quickly) Yes, I see. That is very good. Thanks.

Official: I think you will enjoy your reduced 38 hour work week with Advancement-Plus. A-Plus is a 6 hours/week program that gives you advanced training, interesting additional exercises, and provides time for you to report your efficiency measures to the central database.

Joe: So I will work 44 hours per week?

Official: Are you sure you are an accountant? Your work week is reduced to 38 hours. We don't consider your training for advancement to be work. That is your personal investment in continued employment. We certainly don't regard your efficiency reporting to be part of your accounting job. That is part of your professional self-management.

Joe: (bites tongue) And, my vacation?

Official: Based on a 38 hour work week, of course your vacation is slightly reduced. The details are in this manual "National Work Standards Panel: Accounting Compensation".   (hands Joe the manual)

Joe: (subdued) Thanks.

Official: Ummm.. (looks through folder) ... Joe. You have a good record in accounting. You could work directly for the Government if you work hard and study our new methods and measures.

We have been able to increase pay by 20%, reduce work hours 5%, and maintain vacations and leisure in every profession that we have managed so far, starting with medical care. Improved accounting has been a major factor in our success.

Joe: It is certainly something to think about.

Official: (closes folder, writes on a form, hands form to Joe) Take this to the front desk. The clerk will give you a "brick". That is our informal name for your efficiency milestone reporting module. He or she will arrange to deduct $295 from your pay to cover the cost. The instructions for using it are conveniently online, along with many useful details about your new work requirements and professional responsibilities.

Leave the door open on your way out.

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Phony Jobs Claims
6/9/09 at the Wall Street Journal

Obama and his administration claim to be "saving or creating" jobs by spending massive amounts of money as "stimulus". There is no data that could support or verify that jobs have been "saved". If the economy does not improve, and more jobs are lost, Obama can still say that it could have been worse.

The Department of GDP
You can spend, or government will do it for you.
You owe it to us all to increase GDP.

HHS.Gov - Measures/Codes
Government brings welcome rationality and precision to a profession that was severely lacking in measurement codes. (smile) This is current and real. It is not a drill. Don't think of the work to collect this data, think of the cost reductions when enough is collected. Via Dr. Wes.

New! Status Update regarding CPT II Coding Issues for the 2009 PQRI

CMS has identified a technical problem affecting twenty (20) quality-data codes (QDCs) used for reporting thirteen (13) quality measures through the claims-based method for 2009 PQRI. For further information and guidance regarding this issue, please see the "Status Update on CPT II Coding Issue for the 2009 PQRI and Options for Eligible Professionals (EPs)" document in the "Downloads" section below.

2009 PQRI: This page contains information about PQRI quality measures, their specifications and related release notes, an implementation guide for reporting individual measures through claims or registry-based reporting, measures groups specifications and a related guide to implementing measures groups.

2009 PQRI Individual Quality Measures List: This document, which identifies the 153 quality measures selected for the 2009 PQRI, is available in the "Downloads" section below. (continued ...)

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To 911DOC -- Thanks for your comment. My hope for this post was to give everyone a sense of what it might be like for the government to manage their profession. Governments look for capital to steal redistribute. Usually it is money, but they also will redistribute the capital represented by years of study, experience, and excellence, as in medicine.

Reasons I'm Leaving Emergency Medicine #2
911DOC explains how government regulation and the EMTALA law is disrupting emergency medicine and bankrupting hospitals.

2 comments :

Matthew Avitabile said...

Glad to see someone else doing satire. I've been doing a little on my own site, www.jumpinginpools.blogspot.com

911DOC said...

this is just wonderful governmental gobbledygook and i am familiar with it, and will become more familiar, as my profession, medicine, is swallowed by the monster and people start dying from things that would have been a mere hiccup twenty years ago... in the days before... EMTALA.

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