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Mar 28, 2008

A Political Speech: My Policies

[Satire]

My fellow Americans.

May I first say that all of you are the most intelligent, beautiful, clear thinking, generous, patriotic, and deserving people that I have met, along with all of the other great people of your town, city, and state.

I want you to know where I stand on the issues. I believe in Prosperity, and I always will. If you want more of the details, look at the literature available in the back of the room, or on my website. These also say that I believe in Prosperity.

My overly friendly, bewildered opponent believes in Bare-Survival. Or he used to. He says now that he believes in Almost-Prosperity, but he used to believe in Bare-Survival. Mark my words, he will believe in Bare-Survival again.

Prosperity is clearly the right choice. It means more money in your pockets. Naysayers complain that this is a subsidy from the Government. I say that the Government has lots of money, or can borrow more, and there is no better cause for using this money than to provide lots of Prosperity for you and your great state.

Mealy mouthed opponents say that I voted for Bare-Survival in my prior political life. This wasn't me. It was all of the other misguided politicians that I had to deal with. I fought hard for Prosperity, but I could only fight them to achieve Bare-Survival. With your support, we won't stop at Almost-Prosperity, but we will fight on to Overwhelming Prosperity.

Some people of little breeding say that I may have said things that support Bare-Survival. This is a misinterpretation. I believed in Prosperity all along, and through hard work and deep introspection, I gained the strength to publicly support Prosperity. It is a sign of my intelligence and faith in God that I could analyze the situation and now clearly support Prosperity.

Thank you for your support. With your prayers, votes, and lots of Prosperity we will transform this great nation.

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