Quote Box ArchiveGo to Past Quote Boxes

Nov 8, 2009

Top Ten Political Statements

Statements 1-9 are political messages from no particular source, as satire. Statement 10 is quoted from early remarks by President Obama about the mass murder at Fort Hood, TX.


1   There is nothing strange about my policies. The incompetent former occupant of this office did many of the same things I have, but for selfish and stupid reasons.

2   I would not say that we lied. Sophisticated people know that politicians must find compromise between groups. This is much easier when those groups don't understand the details. So, we don't lie; we just aren't detailed. And, sometimes those details differ in suprising ways from our general statements.

3   Critics claim that I have changed my policy. In fact, my views have been quite consistent. If my policies seem different now, it is only because the facts have changed. I am smart to change my policy to incorporate different facts. You ask, "What were the facts in the past?". Well, they were different.

4   I know the public is concerned about deficit spending. Our deficits may be bigger, but the other guys started it. We inherited huge problems, so we have to quickly spend huge money. We haven't spent most of it yet, but we will. Give us time. We are being thoughtful about this.

Deficits are not a problem. Thousands of deserving people have government jobs exactly because we are spending the money that causes deficits. I can say with certainty that there would be no unemployment if the government hired everyone. We are working on it.

5   Our plans are carefully researched to provide more services with less money. If they don't work out that way, we will fix them, no matter how long it takes or how much it costs.

6   We predicted 8% unemployment if we did nothing, and now unemployment is 10% after enacting a $787 billion (with a "b") stimulus package. My opponents blame us for not meeting our earlier estimates. But, if we really knew, we wouldn't call them estimates. Estimates of the future are the most difficult because we don't have the data yet. We estimate that unemployment would now be 18.35% if we had done nothing. So, we are celebrating.

7   Our policies for spending, taxing, deficits, and reviving the economy were based on sophisticated, tested, econometric models, constructed and refined by the best minds in government. Despite this, we have been surprised by the underperformance of the economy. We are not worried. There are plenty of econometric models out there, and we are switching to better ones right now.   (Stimulus jobs) [edited] Congressional Democrats are disgusted with the phony accounting of jobs created by the stimulus plan.
  David Obey is the House Appropriations Committee Chairman. He lambasted the government's flawed data "showing" that $160 billion in stimulus spending has created or saved at least 640,000 jobs.
  The administration has been forced to delete 60,000 jobs from its list, and had claimed 30 jobs in a non-existent congressional district.
  David Obey: [edited] "The inaccuracies are outrageous and the administration owes itself, the Congress and every American a commitment to correct the ludicrous mistakes. Whether the numbers are good news or bad news, I want the honest numbers, and I want them now."

8   The stimulus package we put in place is working just fine. Thousands of government jobs have been created, or stabilized with higher salaries. This assures that government workers will be loyal and at their desks through any economic difficulties to come.

9   Our policies of stimulus and bank bailouts have led to a rising stock market, for which we are proud. Remember that employment is a lagging indicator. Overall employment will increase after fat-cat stockholders have been made rich enough. Of course, we will tax away most of their ill-gotten capital gains.

10   President Obama spoke on 11/05/09 at the Tribal Nations Conference of Native American Leaders, organized by the Department of the Interior. President Obama or his speechwriters are better at satire than I am.

1 Let me, first of all, just thank Ken and the entire Department of the Interior staff for organizing just an extraordinary conference. I want to thank my cabinet members and senior administration officials who participated today.

I hear that Dr. Joe Medicine Crow was around, and so I want to give a shout out to that Congressional Medal of Honor winner. Good to see you!

My understanding is that you had an extremely productive conference. I want to thank all of you for coming, and for your efforts, and I want to give you my solemn guarantee that this is not the end of a process, but a beginning of a process, and that we are going to follow up. Every single member of my team understands that this is a top priority for us.

I want you to know that, as I said this morning, this is not something that we just give lip service to. And, we are going to keep on working with you to make sure that the first Americans get the best possible chances in life, in a way that's consistent with your extraordinary traditions, and culture, and values.

Now, I have to say, though, that beyond that, I had planned to make some broader remarks about the challenges that lay ahead for Native Americans as well as collaboration with our administration.

2 But, as some of you might have heard, there has been a tragic shooting at the Fort Hood Army Base in Texas.

We don’t yet know all the details at this moment. We will share them as we get them. What we do know is that a number of American soldiers have been killed and even more have been wounded in a horrific outburst of violence.

My immediate thoughts and prayers are with the wounded, and with the families of the fallen, and those who live and serve at Ft. Hood.

These are men and women who have made the selfless and courageous decision to risk, and at times give their lives to protect the rest of us on a daily basis. It’s difficult enough when we lose these brave Americans in battles overseas. It is horrifying that they should come under fire at an army base on American soil.

[further remarks omitted]

1 President speaks about Fort Hood shootings
11/05/09 - youtube - Video from Fox News
My transcription of the beginning of Obama's speech.

2 President Obama Speaks About Fort Hood Tragedy
11/05/09 - blogs.abcnews.com by Jake Tapper and Sunlen Miller
Continuation of Obama's speech as reported here, slightly edited.

Jumping to Conclusions
11/06/09 - Powerline Blog by John Hinderaker
About President Obama's understanding of the Fort Hood mass murder.

A Political Speech: Troubling Times
Easy Opinions (satire)

My fellow Americans. May I first say that all of you are the most intelligent, beautiful, clear thinking, generous, patriotic, and deserving people that I have met, along with all of the other great people of your town, city, and state.

I am sorry to bring you bad news, and I hope you don't shoot the messenger (smiles). We live in troubling and difficult times.

A Political Speech: Coming Together
Easy Opinions (satire)

My administration will reach across the aisle to both parties, and especially to the opposing and obstinate party, to gain agreement and smooth the operation of government. We will smile rather than argue.

A Political Speech: My Policies
Easy Opinions (satire)

I want you to know where I stand on the issues. I believe in Prosperity, and I always will.

No comments :

Post a Comment

You can use the HTML tags <b> <i> and <a href="">, but not <p> or <blockquote>. Trouble commenting? Email your comment or problem to Commerce-Try at Comcast.net. Leave out the minus sign. Mention the name of the post in the email.